I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
