I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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