just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
