Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
