You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
