its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
