I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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