I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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