im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This house was built for laser tag.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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