Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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