She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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