im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
