I've blown a few things in my day
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You don't make any sense
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