I'm gonna have a badass scar
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
