If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
