I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
