Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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