Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
