Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
