I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
