Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
