He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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