I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
