smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
