There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
