Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
