i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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