So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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