I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
