Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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