I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
