woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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