watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are we still banned from the library?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
