i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
