So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
