i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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