You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
