How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
