ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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