she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
