Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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