Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
