I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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