i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize