one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
