Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
