He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
