i jhust puked up my retainher.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
