We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
