He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
