I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
