If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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