Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
