I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
