Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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