He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
