I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
