you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
