You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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