Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
