So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
