my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
