oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
