I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
