he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
