she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
