Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
