Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
