you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
